"Hello Friend"

Well, hello. That was the subject from 1 of 132 junk emails I had in my email spam folder. Sometimes you have those days where you think, "No one's emailed me today? Nobody? People's internet connections must be down. Yes, that's it. They're trying to email me. They just can't. Or, maybe it got sent to my spam folder."

That mystery email you didn't get? You didn't get it because no one sent it. At least 99 times out of 100. There was the one time where I had been out to lunch at a Sticky Fingers restaurant and my friend emailed me with "Sticky Fingaz" as the subject. That one found it's way to the spam folder. Too lewd? Apparently so, for hotmail. But no, most of the time, it's just tons and tons of emails about a tons and tons of disturbing things (remember champion dong?) Mostly though, they're just about my tiny penis.

Here were my favorites today. Oh, and poor, little Emma Watson....what did she ever do to anyone?

Meet and Marry a Gorgeous Russian Queen
Well, Stephen does love vodka. But I'm not into that.

Your Watch Is In the Mail
Wait a minute. My watch, in the mail? And not on my wrist? Because, it looks like it's on my wrist.

Do you want to make out like an aerobics instructor?
You know, I'm not sure. I'm leaning towards no, though.

Energy to tear her ham wallet.
It just sounds like a crime, though I can't tell if it's about sex, food, or money.

Melt away those lbs. organically.
This has to relate to all that ham that I'm gonna tear up.

Dude, your snake sucks.
Bullshit. I don't even have a snake. But if I did, he'd be awesome and cool. Not suck. Though, maybe they mean Baby Snakes, my band. Now, they suck.

Famous Rapper Raped in Public.
I can't believe I haven't heard about this. Maybe it was reported in Source magazine and it's just a misspelling. That I could believe. "Famous Rapper Rapped in Public." Much more sense.

Where's your girlfriend?
Uh..work? Hopefully not with an aerobics instructor.

Gorgeous Diva Drunk
That gal who sits beside Simon on Idol?

Make your pecker glorious.
Not bigger, longer, or harder, but glorious. What a word to use.

So Easy to Be Bigger
Now, come on. This goes against organically shedding those lbs..

Make yourself a hero in her eyes tonight.
This sounds like some kinky sandwich action going on.

Emma Watson Acted Profligate
Now here's a word I don't know.
prof·li·gate (prfl-gt, -gt)

adj.

1. Given over to dissipation; dissolute.

2. Recklessly wasteful; wildly extravagant.

Reckless, extravagant? She is a superstar. And I should hope so, for what's about to come next.....

Emma Watson's Ass Destroyed
Aw, man.....well, that's what she gets for being wasteful.