White Rapper Show

Yes, I often find myself sucked into reality TV. It started with the second Real World, with Beth the bitch, Dave the comedian, John the Virgin, Dominic the Irish drunk (go figure), Aaron the surfer dude, .... and that black girl that got the cover ripped off of her by Dave. There had to be someone else....true story of Seven strangers and all..


(Runs to wiki)

Okay, the black gal was Tami and the apparently, so-boring-I-forgot girl, was Irene. Now I remember.

Not bad for not seeing the show in close to 15 years. But I followed this show as it got worse and worse, more outlandish than ever before and to the point where even today I'll zone out to watching the Tranny in NY talk to the "not gay" Mormon while the Iraqi War Vet offends all.

So, even though Survivor blasted the genre a new ass, another addiction, it wasn't my first fix.

One of my favorites of the hundreds of reality shows that came out recently was The White Rapper show. It's pretty much what it sounded like. And old washed up MC, named MC Serch ala Third Bass fame has these wig....um....wannabe rappers compete with each other for the chance ... blah blah blah. Details aside, much joy and hilarity ensued for me.

Others around me weren't as thrilled as I rapped and rhymed my way through life for about three weeks. Much to many chagrins, I'd rap all the time,

Morning:

"You want some eggs?
Then get off ya legs.
Come into the kitchen
Maybe some help instead of bitchin?"

Noon:

"The sun is at it's highest
I am at my fly-est.
A mid day snack,
A sandwich I'll attack."

Night:

"The sun's now down, the stars are all out
My skills are getting bigger, my swagger's full of clout.
I gotta hit the hay, it'll soon be morning,
I'll hit'em with an A.M. rhyme, all surprise and no warning"

I couldn't help it. But then I felt my considerable skills started to diminish as soon as the show ended. Oh well. While I was inwardly crushed, I'm sure I was alone in that.

But today, I had to dust off the proverbial gold chain, Kangol hat, and Adidas jumpsuit. I had a friend in need. Some kid I know that works at McDonald's (thank god for that place, or this blog truly would be ass) is in a talent show with two other kids. The three of them, Rashad, D. Jennings, and some kid with the last name Tribble, are making some beats and gonna throw down some rhymes. I looked over at poor Rashad, and he looked like he was blocked.

To the rescue I came.

I cranked up the mic and put a show on, and even without the help of The White Rapper Show as constant inspiration, I felt I did alright. He even asked for a copy. Royalties, y'all.

"My name is Rashad and this is my rap.

A first place club-banger, don’t give me no crap.

With my man, Big Tribble and my boy D Jennings

It’s only a matter of time before we bring home the winnings.

Yo Yo Yo that’s right.

This here rap? Man, it’s so tight.

Yo Yo Yo man, that’s the ticket

Words flowing out like water from a spigot.

I work at McDonald’s, and I salt the fries.

The way I spit rhymes, you better cover your eyes.

Cause I’m hot, my fire, it’s not a lie or a fib.

Excuse me sir, would you like to supersize the McRib?

Supersize my talent, I got it so good.

Super smash your ego, I crush it like food.

1, 2, 3, it’s me, Dave and Tribble

We beat you like Kobe, beats you off the dribble.

We rap, we rhyme, we’re the dopest of the dope.

When you go against us, you’re at the end of your rope.

Because I’m the king, the best, and you’re just a little boy

“Yes old Lady, the happy meal comes with a toy!”

I smash my rhymes like I smash the Big Mac

You’re just like the whopper, played out and whack.

Our nuggets are white meat, though our skin is darker.

We’re the big biters, and y’all just the barkers.

Like a little tiny puppy, you whimper and cry.

When we get through rapping, you’ll wanna die.

I gotta finish up, I’m in sort of a hurry,

I’ll cold as ice, just like a McFlurry.

Yo Yo Yo that’s right.

This here rap? Man, it’s so tight.

Yo Yo Yo man, that’s the ticket

Words flowing out like water from a spigot."